cloud // purposes

Today was a weird day. I don’t particularly know why but, as the day progressed, I felt like a cloud was slowly lowering itself directly onto me. Life just feels … slow. And today, I was so very very tired of the slowness.

In the past 6 months of transition and mostly un-employment, I’ve had a few people make jokes about how “it must be nice to take a long vacation!” They were not funny jokes. This is not a fun vacation. I promise.

While I’m finally on my way somewhere – and I know it’s the right place (and I’m really excited about it!), I’m not there quite yet and when I am, there will be more transitions and more unknowns. I’m still several pieces away from settling into a new life.

And today, I was sick of having no routines. I was aching for WORK and PEOPLE. I didn’t want to see anymore boxes or suitcases. I wanted to have my own places to put my own things away. I wanted to feel like I belong somewhere.

Cloud. Cloud. Cloud.

But as the afternoon turned to evening, I have seen some things I needed to see.

PURPOSES.

The other day, I read through James 1 in the Amplified Bible. I love the way it brings out nuances of the language. When I read it, I was focusing on another part of the chapter, but today some other parts of it came back to me.

Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be  [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.

That cloud today… it was trials enveloping me…

But those trials have masterful purposes.
I need to let them have full play and do a thorough work.

It feels so slow. And it feels endless, even now. But each step is teaching me something. In each step, I see Jesus. In each step, I learn to trust. My eyes are continually being opened to things that take my breath away. And if it had all happened faster, the way I would have chosen, I might have missed some of treasure of Jesus along the way.