“Who she was wasn’t defined by doing at all.”


Who she was wasn’t about doing at all.
Bird by Bird, Ann Lamott

Recently, I had a conversation with an old friend in which I was asked, “Why do you even WANT to be my friend?!”

This person IS my friend and has been for quite some time. We’ve had a lot of fun together and we’ve seen each other’s crappiest crap. There have been mistakes and fights and hurt feelings. There have also been many times of forgiveness and understanding and love. Our friendship status is really rather defined at this point. It’s who we are to each other: Friend, even Family.

I questioned the question and discovered that my friend had believed the lie that there is some performance evaluation that every friend must go through to maintain their status. If Friend-A is not performing at the same level as Friend-B, then Friend-B is likely to cut Friend-A loose, cut their losses, and move on with life.

Maybe that’s how it works in the world’s friendship system. But in Christ, there’s a whole other story.

Who my friend is to me, isn’t about performance at all. We have a relationship. This relationship exists IN and because of Christ. It is a relationship of friend and of Family. It’s unbreakable, under any circumstances. Sure, there may be periods of time that one or the other of us choose to DISAPPEAR and be unreachable – and there may even be seasons when that is needed for some reason, but we will still be friends and we will still be Family.

There is Freedom in that truth. We are free to be. We are free to do, but not defined by our doing, or measured by our performance. We are free of needing to fix each other. We are Friends. We are Family. We are reminders to one another of an Identity given to us in Christ. Unchanging, even when unseen.

So, dear Friend. I want to be your friend, because I am your friend and because you are mine. I want to be your friend because Christ has made us Family. What other reason do we need? 

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2 thoughts on ““Who she was wasn’t defined by doing at all.”

  1. I love this post! Isn’t it amazing how much less complicated relationships become when we take performance based approval out of the picture? We are always friends / brother & sister because we are always ‘IN’ Christ. I love it!

    P.S. I heard the bad news about stanley the sloth. I’m very sorry. Have you found him yet, or is there any new info about his whereabouts?

    • Hi Jamal!

      Thanks! And yes, it IS amazing!

      PS I’m 100% certain you have something to do with the disappearance of Stanley! I have not found him, nor am I certain of his whereabouts. Apparently clues should come at some point, but someone is slacking… :)

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