Two weeks before Jon and I got married, I – unexpectedly – quit my job. It was a hard decision for me, but a needed and worthwhile one.
I did NOT quit my job because I wanted to stay home and be a “housewife,” although – TECHNICALLY – that is currently what I’m doing. That’s actually quite a hilarious thought to me. I’m a “housewife?” I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being one, I’m just saying it’s not “me.”
I expected that someday, when there were children in the mix, I would stay home. I did not expect to start marriage this way.
And yet, it has been a really valuable time for me…
I didn’t want to quit my job until I had a plan of something to DO next. I’ve always been a DOer and a GOer. I’ve spent most of my life “thriving” on busy schedules filled with lots of people and long “to do” lists. I’ve realized that I found much of my identity in my DOing and my GOing. But it was a false identity.
I’ve struggled a bit with my lack of DOing in the last 4 months. I’ve loathed the question, “So, what do you do?” from new people who I meet or old friends that I’m catching up with. I don’t know what to say. Uhhh… I plan meals. I grocery shop. I cook. I clean (but less than I should). I do laundry (and often leave it in the dryer for a day or two.) [I’m not a good housewife, you see.] I have coffee with my friends. I read good books. I paint. I write. I babysit my friends’ kids. I spend time with Jesus. — It’s beautiful. It’s a season. I’m grateful for it. It’s full of His purpose. — BUT… That FEELS like a lame answer.
It feels like I’m a spoiled and possibly lazy little girl who got married so she wouldn’t have to work. That’s not true. At all. But that is what I sometimes perceive that others will think when I tell them that I do not have a job, nor am I very actively looking for one quite yet.
And so I find myself constantly having to choose to PRESS IN to my identity IN CHRIST alone. I am not defined by what I do or don’t do, where I go or don’t go. I’m defined by my BEing in CHRIST. This season is such a precious and needed reminder of that for me. I know it’s only a season and I look forward to some new and different things that will come… But for now I simply shall say… Thank you, Jesus, for the treasure of being stripped of much DOing so that I can know who I really am, in you.