[Please read the following in a very dry, matter-of-fact tone of voice… and appreciate that Josh is an introverted quiet dude.]
Hi. I’m Josh. I’m a freshman in college. I’m also Shanda’s baby brother. She thinks I’m hilarious and asked me to share some of my stories on her blog. I said “SURE dawg!” [Actually, I said no. But she decided to ghostwrite for me and I’m down with that.] This is the first of who knows how many stories that I will share with you. I’m not sure about this, but when you have a sister like Shanda… weird stuff happens… and you learn to go with it. If you know her, I’m sure you’re pickin up what I’m throwin down.
Yesterday, I was sitting in a dorm room with some guys. They were eatin’ cereal and then one of them said, “Hey. We have a table. We should set it up.” So they did. In the middle of their dorm room. Because you have to eat cereal at a table, obviously. It’s classy.
So we started talkin’ about being classy and then someone said, “You know what would make this so much better? … A fireplace. That’s classy.” So, one of the guys grabbed his laptop and pulled up a video on youtube of a fire in a fireplace.
Then one of the guys turned some Michael Bubble on his ipod boombox thing. I said, “OH. You know what would make it even classier… Frank Sinatra.” I got my ipod and we turned on Frank. That’s classy.
We turned off the lights cause that’s classy when you have a fire, but the light from the fake fire wasn’t really enough.
One guy got a piece of paper and started going around asking people if they were on the list. If they were, they got to come into the classy party.
Then somebody said, “We should really do this in the elevator.”
When the doors opened, we’d ask for their name and check the list. If they were on the list, they could come in and ride with us in the elevator. It was mostly girls. They live in the top floors. We had classy conversation with them. We all made up classy names and talked with classy English accents. My name was Commodore, like my great great grandfather from England. He was classy.
Some of our guests said, “You guys are great!” I’d tell them, “You’re great.”
After a while, it got too hot in the elevator. So we all got chairs and went and sat outside in the main entryway of the building and we greeted people in a very classy way.
Some girls came back from Target with a bunch of stuff so we offered to take it up to their rooms. It was the most awkward thing EVER. We stayed in character the whole time. But we weren’t with a big group anymore. There were only 2 of us, with 2 people we don’t know. One girl tipped us. We each got a penny.
We stayed out there pretty late. I didn’t do any homework. When I went back to my room, my roommate was already asleep so I couldn’t turn the light on. That was annoying because my bed was covered in clothes from all the costume changes. I wore my wetsuit to dinner, so obviously I had to change… Anyway, that’s another story. Maybe I’ll tell you about it next time.
I don’t think you’re going to think this is as funny as my sister does. This is just what college guys do. It’s normal. I mean, we ARE funny. And classy. But…