my perspective is flawed

Perspective is a funny thing. I often wonder how accurate my perspective is – of myself, of people around me, of situations, of God – of reality.

Today I read a quote that got me thinking about accuracy in perspective.

“Every major decision you make will be faulty until you see the whole world as God sees it.”
~ Ralph Winter

God’s perspective, obviously, is perfect – always. My perspective is flawed. Sometimes it is tainted by the smallness of my vision, the lack of my knowledge, the blindness of my heart, or just for plain NOT looking at realities. I’ve been reminded of that in many ways since I got back to the states – in tangible ways and in heart ways. The tangible is a good analogy to the heart… So, I’ll start there

While living on the other side of the world, I had mirrors but only small ones where I mostly just saw my face. I didn’t have a full length mirror and I didn’t go shopping much in places where I’d be looking at mirrors. All I knew was I was wearing the same clothes I’ve always worn and I could put them on just fine. So, I didn’t think much about it. Over the last few months friends kept insisting that I’d lost some weight but I pretty much thought they were all crazy and assumed that I was just like I’d been for years, only maybe my clothes had stretched out a bit (since we didn’t have dryers). I didn’t have a scale and never weighed myself anywhere but I felt good/normal. No matter what anyone said, I continued to insist that I hadn’t really changed as much as people were saying I had. It wasn’t until I got back to my family’s house and stood on a scale for the first time in a long time that I began to realize that maybe they had all been right. I went shopping and I looked in full length mirrors and my clothes looked funny on me. I tried on smaller sizes and they fit. I was shocked. I’ve worn the same size for years. I had no idea how the change had happened but realized my perspective had been wrong because I just hadn’t had a chance to LOOK or measure and see the change.

Last night, sitting in the Starbucks I used to work in… I felt kind of like I was looking in a full length mirror for the first time in a long time – and what I saw was more different than I expected it to be. I knew I had changed but I didn’t realize how much… I hadn’t had a scale to measure the change or a mirror to look at myself in, but being back in “my place,” where everything was mostly “the same,” I felt SO different. I felt like I looked weird in my clothes and I was going to need to buy new ones. But this time, since it’s a heart change and not an outside change, I feel like it’s a secret that only I can know and see. A former customer/friend and fellow believer asked me, “Are you changed?” And I said, “Yes. I think so.” He asked, “How?” I didn’t know what to say. I have no idea how to explain the change. I just know that standing in the place I’ve stood in so many times before I was suddenly realizing that my insides have been all stirred up and rearranged – broken and put back together in a new way.

I guess the most frustrating part is that… I can’t really explain it to anyone… Mostly because I don’t think I fully understand what it is or know exactly how it happened.

My perspective is flawed and faulty. And this is one more way I just have to TRUST that God knows what He’s doing and why and over time, He’ll help me to understand what I really look like and see what He’s changing me to be.


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