a 3 x 5 card | bags packed

As my facebook status says: bags packed, house cleaned, last Asia meal eaten, last crazy cheap massage enjoyed, lots of tears shed … 11.5 hours till take off … 30 hours until America … life is so weird … P.S. As sad as I am, I’m also excited. Looking forward to seeing people on the other side. :)

I found a 3 x 5 card today that I’d written on 3 months ago.

Since making this decision [to not come back after this first year] I have begun to feel more settled here, more rooted. That doesn’t change the decision or the reasons I have made it… but it does make the thought of leaving more and more difficult. I have not been ready to talk about it. It breaks my heart a bit each time I do. It is such a strange mixture of feelings. It is my choice. I weighed my options and I dreamed God sized dreams [I hope] and, to do the things I yearn in my heart to do with my life, it’s time to walk in another direction. I am so excited to go to one of my other homes. I am excited to enjoy a Strawberry Lemonaide at Sonic, to see a Starbucks every block or two, and to invest in lives on that side of the world for whatever time it ends up being… But, that all will come at a great cost… I must say goodbye to another place that has become my home. It really has. My heart has put in roots here. More each day. And just because I have decided to leave in 3 months does not mean I will stop doing that. Today, this is my home. These are my people. I will leave a part of myself with them when it’s time to go… and I will take them with me… and I will truly never, ever, ever be the same again.

Yeah, I wrote small on that 3 x 5 card.

And it’s true. I’m excited though unsure about the life that awaits me on the other side of the world. I’m sad that I won’t be here with my precious precious friends. I’ll be talking about them here and everywhere – A LOT – as I miss them like crazy as life goes on. Who they are has become a part of who I am and, even on the other side of the world, they’ll continue to teach me. I can guarantee that. I’m also seriously going to miss the handful of white people who became my family here. Life with out them next door or down the street is going to be an interesting adjustment. I’m pretty sure we’ll be quite grateful for free mobile to mobile calls. On the other hand, I can’t WAIT to sit with my family and friends in California and Texas. I need them. They’re so good for me. And the beach is good for me too. And real mexican food! And In N Out.

Dear California friends,

I’m coming. I want to see you. Let’s hang outat the beach or over mexican food would be fine with me. ;)




2 thoughts on “a 3 x 5 card | bags packed

  1. Dear Shanda,

    Coming home is brave. (I just got a picture of Simba deciding to go home in the Lion King….random). You are different. And its good. Not everyone will understand, but thats okay. But don’t worry Mexican food & La Jolla are up to par…..and in n our awaits…


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