I want you to know… I am very glad I am here. It’s not always easy especially being that I am in – but another – in-between stage. I’m staying in my 7th place in less than 6 weeks and really my last two months in the US were full of traveling also. I am anxiously anticipating stability and a place to call “home.” I long for depth of community, long-term friendships, and figuring out a “new normal”… but those things will happen, in their proper time. In the meantime, each day is filled with both ups and downs. There are moments that I feel like skipping and can’t stop smiling because I’m so delighted to be where I am! There are sweet moments that I feel my Father’s love enveloping me in ways I’ve never felt it before! There are also moments that I feel like I’m floundering, lost, confused, and completely alone… but they pass. If nothing else, this reality I’m living in is teaching me a lot about the necessity of being FILLED every single day. It’s also teaching me a lot about myself and how much I absolutely need people. I can be independent, but I don’t want to be. I like depending on people and I like being depended on. I love adventure, but what I love most about it is SHARING it with others. I guess this is where perspective is important. There are certainly many elements of sharing this adventure going on: I write. I don’t have internet where I’m staying but I’m able to get on it at some point everyday and when I’m “lucky,” I catch someone from over there on the other side of the world and we chat about life. I’ve made friends here who are living out the same kind of adventure I am – but they are further along in their journey, hopefully I am encouraging them as they are encouraging me. Some of them (particularly a couple who have been here for a year and a half) have been very intentional about helping me through this crazy process, teaching me things that helped them to transition, etc. I really think that THIS is a huge part of why I landed HERE for these three weeks. I’m also making local friends, some of whom are opening their homes to me and sharing meals with me. I have a wonderful opportunity to influence their lives in a way that no one ever has before, while my experiences with them are also influencing MY life.
Honestly, I don’t have a lot to complain about. I’m gaining a lot of experience and… I’m living out dreams. There have been some days that I felt like I was colliding with a wall and part of me just longed to go “home” (though I wasn’t sure where home would be), but being here is worth it. It IS worth it. Not an ounce of me regrets that I’m here. And this little in-between time, it’s really pretty little. It’ll be over soon. I’m just a baby sometimes. J Also, I would not miss deep community so much if I hadn’t experienced the joys of some of the sweetest community the world has to offer. So, thanks to all of you who have blessed my life and made me realize how GREAT knowing and loving people around me can be. I guess it’s time for me to learn, and teach, about that in NEW ways and these days are a step… in a process… that will not be in vain.
This is where I choose to be. And may I just say one more time…
It is WORTH it and I’m very glad to be here.