NOTE: I’ve been away from my blog for a month… I’m back. At least for the moment. This was written Monday, April 14th. More to come tomorrow.
Life has been interesting lately… And by interesting I mean challenging! It seems to be that I’m in an intense growth spurt and coming along with that are intense growing pains. I’m seeing the Lord work in and through me in ways that only He could and I’m seeing the enemy work hard to stop that from continuing. I’m tired and overwhelmed. I find myself becoming emotional more than I’m used to (maybe I’m pregnant… ha!). Things in my world keep falling apart or breaking – my laptop (the screen doesn’t work), my cell phone (coming apart at the seems and as of yesterday only works on speaker phone), my ipod (fell out of my purse and I stepped on the screen with heels on), my brother’s car (I blew a fuse plugging something in to the cig. lighter and now the clock and stereo don’t work)… all in the past week and a half. I try to laugh at it all but it’s a little bit stressful too! There’s school… papers due, unending amounts of reading, and finals approaching! And on top of school there’s life learning… which is quite possibly even more of a challenge!!!
A year or so ago I read a book called “If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat.”
(Good book. I recommend it!) I shared a poem from the book in an email I wrote back then and because I’ve been thinking about it a lot I’m sharing it again. It speaks greatly to where God has me now, learning to choose daily to get out of the boat:
To sinful patters of behavior that never get confronted and changed
Abilities and gifts that never get cultivated and deployed – Until weeks become monthsAnd months turn into years,
And one day you’re looking back on a life of Deep intimate gut-wrenchingly honest conversations you never had;
Great bold prayers you never prayed,
Exhilarating risks you never took,
Sacrificial gifts you never offered,
Lives you never touched,
And you’re sitting in a recliner with a shriveled soul,
And forgotten dreams,
And you realize there was a world of desperate need,
And a great God calling you to be a part of something bigger than yourself
You see the person you could have become but did not;
You never followed your calling.
You never got out of the boat.
Sometimes… who am I kidding… LOTS of times, I REALLY just want to crawl back into the boat, find a shady spot, lay down, and sleep the storm away. But, what would my life be worth if I did that? I’m learning to become the woman that our great God is calling me to be; I’m learning to live my life out of the boat. My eyes must remain on Jesus for the moment that I take them away and let it become about me, I sink!