the handle flew away

Remember how the other day I said I was finally feeling like I had a handle on things again?

Well, tonight – just a few hours ago – I think the handle flew away.

I have so much to do. The list of my responsibilities keeps growing.

I am so tired. And all I REALLY want to do is spend time with the people I’ll soon being saying goodbye to.

But there’s a lot of work to do, and it is important so someone HAS to do it.

Trying to do both well sometimes just leads to being a big jumbled mess of an emotionally exhausted person.

So, don’t mess with me. [Public Service Announcement]

And pray for me.

And be patient with me.

Please. And Thank You.

insane week

Stream of consciousness… go…

It has been an insane week. Seriously. We’ve been droppin’ like flies with sickness of various levels from: “I can’t leave the house without a lot of kleenexes.” to “I can’t be too far away from a toilet.” to “Please take me to the hospital right now!!!” [Britt is there for the 3rd time this week with kidney stones.] Kidney stones are never fun. I haven’t had them. I hope I never do. But I’ve watched people have them and I’m watching again and I hate it. I want to fix it. But all I can do is play with her hair, fill up her water, sit with her and watch Friends, and laugh with her [/at her when the drugs make her really loopy]. I can tell you from experience, the hospitals here are not the most comfortable places in the world. But I’m very grateful for my roommate, who seriously should go into medicine because she rocks at it, and for her stepdad who is a great doctor in the states and has been very helpful over the phone.

Mix in with all of that birthdays, 5 visitors from the states, the normal teaching, language class, friendships…
But also add running from place to place, tired all the time, feeling like there’s no time to just BE, or to be alone…

When you live in a country with THIS many people… And when your skin color makes you an automatic celebrity everywhere you go…
It’s hard to ever just BE.
I just want to sit with Jesus and process life. But it’s hard to do that always only in my own bedroom.
I long for pretty places. Quiet places.
Even my room is filled with NOISE.
And everywhere I go… there are PEOPLE.
And I love people… but oh…

And LIFE.

Oh LIFE.
It is so good. It really is.
It is so hard. I could cry at any given moment.
It is so confusing. I just don’t know……..

I so need Jesus.
I am more aware of that everyday.