Thanksgiving | {family, memories, wilderness}

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for many things. To start with, this is the first time in 5 years that I have been at “home” in California with my family for the holiday. I am thankful that I’m here to force my brothers (and Erica!) to take goofy pictures with me! I am thankful that I got to eat some of my Nana’s fantastic BUTTERMILK PIE! And my mom’s green bean casserole!

I am thankful for a season of living near some of my bffs…  being near the ocean again… And for mountains and trees… And San Diego weather! I’m thankful for the other families of friends I have sprinkled around the world… for the memories of Thanksgivings spent sleeping in hammocks and eating the best rice and beans you could dream of on the Amazon River… and for memories of my friends chanting “Shanda! Shanda! Sing a song! Sing a song!” and then singing “Fried Ham” around the table while eating duck and “corn bread” (corn on bread).

But, I wouldn’t feel honest if I didn’t tell you that life has been less than purely peachy lately. This transition time has stretched further than I hoped. And it’s been full of hiccups and questions and annoying circumstances and big decisions and huge paradigm shifts that are changing everything for me. Not easy. And not over yet. It feels much like a season of walking through the desert. And really, I am in a wilderness. God has shown me rich things that He is taking me to, but I’m not there yet. I am on my way… slowly, but surely. And in the meantime, He is supplying me with Himself – manna in the wilderness – and promising that there will be even MORE of Him on the other side!

So, at the top of my list of things to be thankful for this year: I am thankful for the wilderness and for the sifting and stripping down that is occurring in my life and heart here. I am thankful for Christ supplying Himself to me, and for the love and encouragement I am finding along the way, and for the richness that I know He is leading me to on the other side of this wilderness.

There have been days that JOY was very hard to find or choose. But it is returning, more and more. And I am filled with hope and excitement about what lies ahead. I know it is going to cost me things to get there… but it will be worth it, entirely. Jesus always is.

For an awesome article on seasons in the Wilderness, click here!

the love of my Father

I spent yesterday afternoon and evening at the beach. I sat at a picnic table journaling. I walked in the sand up and down the shore. I stood staring into the horizon. I sat on a bench reading. I laid in the grass. I went to my favorite ocean-side coffee shop. I took pictures of the sunset over the pacific.

Being near the ocean delights my soul. When the salt air hits my nostrils and curls up my hair, it also wraps me up in the love and closeness of  Jesus. {Cheesy sounding, maybe. But so very true.}

At one point in the day, I watched (in a non-creepy fashion) a man and his two daughters playing in the grass under the palm trees. The girls were probably 2 and 4 years old. He would chase them and they would act as though they didn’t want to be caught, but they did. He’d pretend it was hard to catch them, but it wasn’t. Then he would scoop them up in his arms and spin them around. They would giggle with delight and then he’d put them down and it would be their turn to chase him. After a minute or two he’d pretend to be tired and fall to the ground, giving them the chance to catch him. Then he would say, “Ohhh… here comes a hugging monster… here comes ANOTHER hugging monster!” And the girls would wrap their little arms around him and, again, he’d pick them up and spin them around. They clearly loved their father and delighted in his love for them.

I LOVE seeing people LOVE, especially fathers and daughters (and sons too). It’s such a special thing. As I sat there, I remembered my own father’s love for me…

I’m very ticklish. When I was a little girl, my Dad would attack me with tickles and I’d giggle until I could barely breathe while protesting, “top it Daddy, top it!” (top it = stop it) He would stop and I’d catch my breath and then say, “Do it again! Do it again!” I don’t think it was that I LOVED being tickled so much as it was that I loved having his attention. I loved making him laugh and smile. As I got older, I was so impressed by his random knowledge about the world that I wanted to impress him with my own so I read and I learned and I would say, “Hey Daddy, Did you know _____________?” and when he didn’t know, I felt like I’d achieved something amazing. [So, yes… My nerdiness is all a result of a desire to impress my father.] The funny thing though is that I didn’t have to TRY to impress him. I could have been the biggest idiot in the world and known nothing about anything and he would have thought I was just amazing – because I was his daughter, the little girl with curly red hair that he had always dreamed of.

So as I sat in the grass by the beach watching this father love his daughters and thanking Jesus for the love my father had for me… He reminded me…

This is how I love you. This is how the Father loves you. You don’t have to impress us. You don’t have to work to achieve Our love. We made you. We delight in you. We love your attention and you always have Ours.

Today is my Daddy’s 55th birthday. He’s not on earth to celebrate it, but I will… because I’m thankful for the ways he taught me about love and helped me to understand the love of my Father.