That’s what my story is about…

Today, sitting in a car, I thought about my life and that I don’t know what the future holds. That’s true for all of us – everyone – all the time, but it FEELS more true at some points than at others. This is one of those points for me – FULL of unknown. And I thought…

A lot of people have massive loads of unknowns in their lives. A lot!!! But not all of them have with that unknown the things that I have.

I have hope. Massive loads of hope!!!! – beacause I know, I believe… that whatever the future holds is going to end up being fantastic. It might be hard. It might feel stinky some days, but the end of the story is going to be BEAUTIFUL, and at the end all the parts that felt stinky once will look beautiful too. Somehow. I know that. I believe that!

I have hope. Massive loads of hope!!!! – because I know, I believe… that the way I live and the things I do (whatever they are) will play a role in changing the world. Not the WHOLE world, but maybe one person’s world – or some people’s worlds. I learned that from my parents and my grandparents and my aunts and uncles and lots of other super awesome people… but mostly from Jesus.

I have hope. Massive loads of hope!!!! – because I know, I believe… that Jesus chooses people like me (nobodies) to follow after Him, reaching out to others and showing them hope and love and justice and mercy and grace and goodness and joy and peace…

So, while I don’t know the details of what my story is going to look like at any given point past today… I know it’s going to be beautiful…

That’s what my story is about… A lot of people don’t have that hope of a beautiful story and my story is about sharing it with them.

Jesus is the hope-giver.
Jesus is the love-provider.
Jesus is the justice-bringer…
the mercy-sharer…
the grace-extender…
the joy-deliverer…
the peace-creator.

My story is about showing that to people – being a little instrument through which he delivers his good gifts to people who need them (and we all do).

And that’s what your story is about too. Somehow. And it’s going to be beautiful. Each of us doing our unique part, together.

abnormal // normal

I’m supposed to be taking a nap because I’m really tired – went to bed late and got up early. But instead, I’m laying in my bed feeling a bit overwhelmed. I think I want to cry, but I have no tears. It’s not one specific thing. It’s life. And my life feels – so – abnormal in some moments and – very - normal in others. And maybe that’s hard too.

This afternoon, I went to meet a kid on the basketball courts. He sat on the steps waiting for me as I approached, he looked rather overwhelmed and explained he had a very important exam in an hour. I introduced him to my brother and he shook his hand. Then he gave me a gift he made and a class picture we took early on Sunday morning. I’m not even SUPER close to this kid, but I really enjoyed teaching him and his class. When he said “goodbye” the weight of that word hit me like a ton of bricks. I do not like it.

Why do “goodbyes” seem to be such a steady part of life? – at least mine. If it’s not me leaving, it’s someone else. I guess all of my “goodbyes” wouldn’t be so lame feeling if my life wasn’t also full of love… and that’s certainly something to be grateful for!

Last night was the last time, for now, I will see one of my very dear friends (- the one who wrote me a letter I talked about in the last post). We had dinner and gave her letters we (Brittany and I)’d written her, took pictures and walked around. Then when it was time to part ways she, Brittany, and I huddled together and she told us she loves us and we said the same back… We couldn’t say “goodbye” so we decided we’d say “see you later.” She’s downloaded skype and has been using it already – so we know we’ll get to see her face on our computers! And there is a good chance we’ll get to see her again face to face someday in the next couple of years… but… ::sigh::

When we walked away from our “see you later” I told Brittany that it didn’t really feel real… but today it does. Today, I know she’s not here anymore. I know I am here for 1 more month but I won’t get to see my dear friend anymore. I won’t get to see my students for much longer. It’s all wrapping up… 

But there’s still a month… and there’s still more to do… and my brother is here and experiencing this side of the world and this kind of life for the first time… And I’m getting to see it some through his fresh eyes… and I’m thankful…

I don’t like all the “goodbyes” and “see you laters” but I’m also looking forward with joy to the “hellos” and the “great to see you agains” that will come when I switch sides of the world again. I’m excited, though also overwhelmed, at the thought of the adventures that will come and the life that waits to be figured out.

to heal OUR hearts

Tonight I read through part of Luke with some of my friends. One of the girls asked, “Why didn’t Jesus heal EVERYONE? Why did he go away to pray when he could have spent that time healing people?” Before I had time to answer another girl (who has not yet TRUSTED Jesus) said, “Because Jesus came to heal our HEARTS!”

I was amazed. Not only did she recognize that our deepest need is for REDEMPTION, not just physical/emotional healing… but she said “OUR hearts.”

As I type the word OUR my eyes fill with tears…

because I am in awe of the work the Spirit is doing in my friend’s heart as she increasingly recognizes the beauty and truth contained in this STORY and as she realizes HER need for a HEALED HEART…

and

because OUR also includes ME and I am so grateful for the REDEMPTION, the healing of my heart, that Jesus brought me…

and

because I long for my friends ALL to know this REDEMPTION, the healing of their hearts, that ONLY Jesus can provide.

We then talked a lot about why Jesus healed people physically if what he ultimately wanted to do was heal their hearts, and how we can/should follow his example. It was a beautiful conversation with some very beautiful girls.

Dear Jesus, 
Thanks for the precious moments you give me with these girls.
Thanks for how you use them to change ME, as I watch you change THEM.
Love,
Me

unceasing anguish | depth of burden

We’re currently working our way through Romans on Sunday mornings. This week we poured over chapter 9, and it poured over us. The discussion was challenging and I keep thinking about one part of it in particular…

… I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to flesh.

Romans 9:2-3

I was struck. Paul’s heart was in unceasing anguish. Why? Because he LONGED so DEEPLY for others to believe, to know Christ and salvation, that he wished that HE could take their place being “accursed and cut off from Christ.” What does that mean? That means – Paul longed for the salvation of others so deeply that he would have gone to hell for them if he could and if that would have helped. (He knew it couldn’t help. Only Jesus can substitute as the recipient of our deserved wrath, but he was willing/LONGING.)

WOW.

I want to see others come to know Jesus. I really really really do. But how badly? How often have I ever longed so desperately that I wished I could go to hell for those who don’t know Him?

We live in such a trivial world… a world that gets caught up in a lot of things that DO – NOT – MATTER! Do we, followers, live lives adapted to this trivial world? Does this sneak into our spiritual lives? Do we invite this attitude into our spiritual lives? Or do we dig in deep and follow the narrow path? Do we choose daily to die so that He can live through us – so that others may live? Or do we cling dearly to our lives and give Him only sections of it when it’s convenient?

What if THIS – Paul’s depth of burden – is why God used Paul so greatly? What if it’s hard for God to deeply bless a person/a church that is only 1 inch deep? And what if we are too close to being 1 inch deep and not close enough to having a burden like Paul’s?

So the questions of the week is: How can I/WE go deeper? How can we cultivate the LONGING for others to know Christ the way Paul did? How can our hearts know this unceasing anguish? 

a prayer and a song

Today, I just want to share a prayer and a song. Because that’s what I need today. A pray. And a song.

And now, O God, grant us to live in the riches of all that Jesus’ resurrection means. All authority belongs to him in heaven and on earth. No power and no enemy can prevail against him. Only good can come to us in the end as we trust in him.The best is always yet to come.So, Father, banish fear and fretting and discouragement and moodiness from our lives. Rivet our attention on the ultimate reality of Christ’s final triumph over death. Never let us forget or fail to feel universal glory that you have given Jesus a name that is above every name. Make this practical in our daily lives as we see every person, great and small, facing someday the risen and triumphant Judge of all the nations. Give us a brokenhearted boldness in the mercy and the might of Jesus.O Father, we want our lives to count for the display of his greatness. Work in us to this end with all your might, we pray. In Jesus’ name, amen.

~ John Piper, Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ